Marriage is the union of a man and a woman in marriage, as practiced by various cultures. Different cultures have practiced marriage in various ways throughout history.
God created the idea of marriage. God told Adam that a man should leave his father and mother. The man and his wife should become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This means they should be united as one family unit.
Marriage in the Old Testament
The Old Testament mentions several forms of marriage. The earliest form seems to be based on a matrilineal principle. This means that family connections and inheritance were traced through the mother's side of the family rather than the father's side.
There appears to be some evidence for this type of marriage during two time periods. The first was the middle Bronze Age (around 2000–1550 BC). The second was during the early years when Israel had kings (around 1050–900 BC). However, it is difficult to be certain about this matter.
This uncertainty exists despite the important role of mothers in Egypt and perhaps other places. In these cultures, the mother helped determine a person's family line and inheritance. This means children would belong to their mother's family group rather than their father's family group.
Generally, the bride left her parents when she married. She went to live with her husband's family group. This is what Rebekah did when she married Isaac (Genesis 24:58–59). The Hebrew phrase "to marry a wife" comes from a root word meaning "to become master" (Deuteronomy 21:13). The wife often treated her husband as a master and referred to him this way.
Hebrew family records show that family lines were traced through the male line (Genesis 5:10; 36:9–43; Numbers 1:1–15; Ruth 4:18–22; 1 Chronicles 1:1–9). This means children belonged to their father's family group, not their mother's.
Both fathers and mothers had the important right to name their children. Naming a child showed power and authority over that child (see Genesis 4:1, 25–26; 5:29; 35:18; 1 Samuel 1:20; 4:21; Isaiah 8:3; Hosea 1:4–9). Sons were often named after their fathers and were closely connected to them.
The Role and Authority of the Father
The father was the head of the household in this patriarchal society. A patriarchal society is one where men hold the main power and authority. His wife and children were considered his possessions, similar to how he owned his fields and animals (Exodus 20:17; Deuteronomy 5:21). The father had the right to sell his daughters as servants (Exodus 21:7; Nehemiah 5:5). He even had the power of life and death over his children.
A man could easily end his marriage by divorcing his wife. This also shows how much authority the husband had in the family (Deuteronomy 24:1–4; compare 22:13–21). The wife did not have the same power to divorce her husband.
Levirate Marriage in Israel
A levirate marriage was a custom in ancient Israel meant to preserve a man’s family line and property. If a man died without children, his brother (or closest male relative) was expected to marry the widow. The rules for this responsibility are explained in Deuteronomy 25:5–10.
If the widow had no children, the first son born from the new marriage was considered the child of the dead husband. This meant the child would carry the dead husband's name and inherit his property. This system made sure the dead man's family line continued and his property stayed in the family.
Levirate marriage was not only practiced by the Israelites. The Canaanites, Assyrians, and Hittites also had similar customs.
The most well-known example of levirate marriage in the Old Testament is found in the book of Ruth. Although Ruth's situation did not follow the exact law in Deuteronomy 25, it shows how the system worked.
Ruth needed to find a close male relative to marry her. This would preserve her dead husband's family name and property. The closest male relative said no to this responsibility. He felt it was too much of a burden for two reasons. First, he would have to buy the land and support Ruth. Second, he knew that their first son would be considered Ruth's dead husband's child. This son would bear the dead husband's name and inherit the land. Boaz agreed to take on this responsibility and married Ruth (Ruth 2:20–4:10).
Monogamy and Polygamy in the Bible
The Old Testament mentions many examples of polygamy (having more than one wife). However, most Israelites were monogamous (married to only one person). There are no examples of common people having large polygamous marriages. Only wealthy and powerful men, especially kings, had multiple wives.
God's original instruction to Adam was that a "man will… be united to his wife" (Genesis 2:24). Hebrew laws generally show that marriage with one wife was the most acceptable form of marriage (Exodus 20:17; 21:5; Leviticus 18:8, 16–20; 20:10; Numbers 5:12; Deuteronomy 5:21).
By the time Israel had kings, monogamy seems to have become the normal practice. However, some kings like Solomon did not follow Hebrew traditions in this matter. Solomon had many wives from other nations. After the Israelites returned from exile in Babylon, marriages were mostly monogamous. However, divorce was becoming more common during this time.
In the New Testament period, monogamy was the rule for most people. However, some powerful people like Herod the Great still practiced polygamy. Jesus taught that marriage should last for the lifetime of both partners. He said that if a man divorced his wife and married another woman while his first wife was still alive, he committed adultery (Matthew 5:31–32).
Marriage Between Relatives
People in biblical times generally married someone from their close family circle. This meant they often married relatives like cousins. However, there needed to be limits on how closely related marriage partners could be. The term for being closely related by blood is consanguinity.
In early patriarchal times (the time of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob), a man could marry his half-sister if they shared the same father (Genesis 20:12). This practice continued even during King David's time (2 Samuel 13:13). However, this type of marriage was later specifically forbidden in Leviticus 20:17.
The marriage laws in Deuteronomy and the Law of Holiness (found in Leviticus) sometimes contradict each other (Deuteronomy 25:5; Leviticus 18:16). This suggests that the stricter rules in Leviticus may have been changed or modified over time.
Marriages between cousins were very common. Isaac married his cousin Rebekah. Jacob married his cousins Rachel and Leah. When a close relative wanted to marry someone in the family, it was almost impossible to refuse (Tobit 6:13; 7:11–12).
Some biblical marriages would have been forbidden under later laws. Moses was the child of a marriage between a nephew and his aunt (Exodus 6:20; Numbers 26:59). This type of marriage was later forbidden in Leviticus 18:12–13 and 20:19. Jacob's marriage to two sisters at the same time would also have been forbidden under later laws (Genesis 29:30). This shows how marriage customs changed over the centuries as God gave his people more specific guidance about family relationships.
Marriage Between Israelites and Foreigners
When the Israelites settled in Canaan, many of them married Canaanite women. This greatly worried those who wanted to maintain the purity of the Hebrew religion (1 Kings 11:4). They were concerned that foreign wives would lead Hebrew men away from worshiping the true God.
Mosaic law (the laws God gave through Moses) prohibited marriage with foreign women (Exodus 34:15–16; Deuteronomy 7:3–4). These laws were meant to protect the Israelites from adopting the religious practices of other nations. However, many Israelites ignored these rules and continued to marry foreign women.
An exception was allowed if an Israelite captured a woman in war (Deuteronomy 21:10–14). In contrast, Samson married a Philistine woman who stayed with her own people. He would visit her periodically rather than bringing her to live with him permanently (Judges 14:8–15:2).
The danger of intermarriage affecting the purity of Hebrew religion was considered so great that drastic action was taken. After the Jewish people returned from exile in Babylon, they discovered that many Jewish men had married foreign wives. The religious leaders ordered them to divorce these foreign wives (Ezra 9:2; 10:3, 16–17). The goal was to keep the national religion pure, even though this decision destroyed homes and separated families.
Even in New Testament times, Paul warned against marriage with non-Christians. He told believers not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14–15). Paul used the image of two different animals trying to pull a plow together. Just as this would not work well, he taught that a Christian and a non-Christian would have fundamental differences that would make marriage difficult.
How Old Were People When They Married?
It is difficult to know exactly at what age young people married in biblical times. A boy was considered to be a man by his early teens. Later in Jewish tradition, this transition was celebrated by the bar mitzvah ceremony, which generally occurred when the boy was 13 years old.
The discussion about the marriage took place between the groom's parents and the bride's parents. Often, neither of the young people was asked for their opinion about the marriage.
It was necessary for the oldest family member to marry first (Genesis 29:26). When Abraham decided Isaac should marry, he sent a servant to choose a bride from Abraham's relatives in Mesopotamia. The servant made contact with the bride's brother and mother (Genesis 24:33–53). Only afterward was Rebekah asked to give her consent (verses 57–58). Her father was possibly unable to make decisions due to illness or disability. Otherwise, it would have been very unlikely that Rebekah's consent would have been asked at all.
Paying the Bride-Price
Young men often could not afford more than one wife because they had to pay a bride-price to the bride's father. In some cases, a man could offer years of service instead of money (Genesis 29:15–30). Or, they could complete a specific task required by the bride's father (1 Samuel 18:25–27). If a man raped a virgin, he was required to pay her father 50 shekels of silver and marry her, if the father permitted (Deuteronomy 22:28–29). This payment was a form of punishment and compensation, not a typical bride-price.
During the time of the Second Temple, people valued a virgin bride at 50 shekels. They valued a widow or divorced woman at about half that amount. A virgin bride usually married in the middle of the week. This allowed her husband to go to court the next day if he found she was not a virgin. This was important because it was before the Sabbath. A widow or divorced woman usually married on what is now Thursday. This gave her a full day with her husband before the Sabbath.
Marriage as a Family Covenant or Alliance
Marriage was more than just uniting two people together. It was a covenant or alliance between two families. Marriage united these families and extended the kinship network. This made the overall family group larger and stronger. This was very important in a society where people accepted responsibility for their relatives without question.
The covenant concept of marriage could also have political meanings. Marriages between important families could create political alliances. For example, Solomon married an Egyptian princess (1 Kings 11:1). This marriage created an alliance between Israel and Egypt. Similarly, Ahab of Israel married Jezebel of Tyre (16:31). This marriage created an alliance between Israel and the city of Tyre.
The sealing of the marriage covenant included giving gifts. These gifts showed the wealth and status of both the giver and the bride (Genesis 34:12). In the ancient Near East, people believed that giving a gift included a part of the giver. This meant that the giver was offering a portion of himself or herself. The gift that sealed the marriage covenant also established the giver's authority over the bride.
The Betrothal Period
The next stage in the marriage process was the betrothal. This is first mentioned in Exodus 22:16 and is used several times in Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 20:7; 22:23–24). The betrothal had the same legal status as marriage (Deuteronomy 28:30; 2 Samuel 3:14). According to the law in Deuteronomy, anyone who violated a betrothed virgin would be stoned to death. The law called this violating his neighbor's "wife" (Deuteronomy 22:23–24), even though the actual wedding had not yet taken place.
The meaning of betrothal involved taking possession of the woman. This was similar to receiving tribute or payment. However, there was still a difference between betrothing a woman and actually taking her as a wife (Deuteronomy 20:7). During the period of betrothal, the prospective groom received certain benefits. He was exempt from military service so he could prepare for his marriage and spend time with his betrothed.
It was understood that betrothal was a formal part of a permanent relationship. This was not something that could be easily broken (Matthew 1:18; Luke 1:27; 2:5). A man who was going to marry another man's daughter was already considered a son-in-law at the time of betrothal (Genesis 19:14). Mary, as Joseph's betrothed, was actually considered his wife in the legal sense. However, Joseph did not have sexual relations with her until after the birth of Jesus.
Wedding Feasts and Celeberations
The first biblical record of a wedding being celebrated with a feast is found in the story of Jacob (Genesis 29:22). There was no actual written marriage contract recorded in the Bible until it is mentioned in the book of Tobit (Tobit 7:12). The marriage contract was not considered completely valid until the couple had lived together for a full week (Genesis 29:27; Judges 14:12, 18). When Samson left his bride before the end of the seven-day period, the bride's parents considered the marriage void. They gave her to another man instead (Judges 14:20).
The wedding was a joyful family event. Families would celebrate with feasting, music, and dancing. The entire community would often participate in the celebration.
The bride and groom wore special clothing for their wedding (Isaiah 61:10; Ezekiel 16:9–13). The bride wore a fine dress that was often decorated with jewels and other ornaments (Psalm 45:14–15; Isaiah 61:10). The bridegroom also had fine clothing and wore a special crown or diadem (Song of Solomon 3:11; Isaiah 61:10). The bride wore a veil (Genesis 24:65; Song of Solomon 4:3). This veil was removed only in the bridal chamber after the wedding ceremony. This explains why Rebekah needed to veil herself when she first saw Isaac, her future husband (Genesis 24:65). The veil also explains how Laban was able to trick Jacob on his wedding night. Laban was able to replace Rachel with Leah because Jacob could not see the bride's face under the veil (Genesis 29:23–25).
Some weddings included symbolic ceremonies as part of the betrothal or wedding. For example, Ruth asked Boaz to spread his cloak over her to show that he was taking her as his wife (Ruth 3:9). Another ritual may have been the ceremonial removal of the bride's belt by the groom in the bridal chamber. The bridal chamber was a special room or tent that was prepared specifically for the newly married couple. The marriage was usually consummated on the first night (Genesis 29:23; Tobit 8:1). This meant that the couple had sexual relations to complete their marriage union. The stained bed linen would be kept as evidence of the bride's virginity.
Divorce in Biblical Times
In contrast to the elaborate celebrations of marriage, divorce was simple. A man could divorce his wife if he found fault with her in any particular matter. This right was not taken away until the 11th century AD. However, divorce was discouraged, and gradually the process became more complex. Various deterrents were put in place to make divorce more difficult.
As divorce laws became more complex, the process became more expensive. At a later time, a lawyer or sometimes a rabbi would give advice. They especially helped with matters such as returning property that rightfully belonged to the bride or her family.
A husband was considered entitled to divorce his wife for several reasons:
If a bride was found to have committed adultery, or if he even suspected her of unfaithfulness, he could divorce her. He could also divorce his wife if he felt that she had violated normal morality, had abandoned their faith, or had been inefficient in managing the household.
If a woman refused to have sexual relations with her husband for at least one year, she could be divorced. Other grounds for divorce included insulting behavior toward the husband or his relatives, contracting an incurable disease, or refusing to move when the husband relocated to a new area.
In general, the status of wives was low in ancient times. Despite the fact that women gave advice, managed the household, educated young children, and worked alongside their husbands when necessary, the husband was still considered her master. Her role was to obey him. A wife was little more than a servant, although she was better off than a slave. She could not be sold, even though she could be divorced.
The Old Testament frequently uses marriage as a symbol to describe the relationship between God and God's people. The Hebrew people and God are referred to as bride and bridegroom (Isaiah 62:4–5; Jeremiah 2:2). The prophet Jeremiah contrasts the coming desolation of Judah with the joy of a wedding feast (Jeremiah 7:34; 16:9; 25:10). The book of Hosea uses marriage imagery extensively. God rejects the relationship with his wife, Israel (Hosea 2:2), because of her unfaithfulness. However, God is prepared to accept her again if she returns to faithful practices (verses 19–20).
In the New Testament, John the Baptist compares his joy to a groom's friend at a wedding (John 3:29). Jesus refers to wedding preparations in the parable of the wise and foolish virgins (Matthew 25:1–12). In the story of the marriage feast (Matthew 22:1–14), Jesus mentioned that wedding robes were provided for guests at such ceremonies. This was a common practice that his listeners would have understood.
The theme of the Christian church as the bride of Christ appears in several New Testament books, including 2 Corinthians, Ephesians, and Revelation. This imagery shows the intimate, loving relationship between Christ and his followers. Just as a bride and groom are united in marriage, Christ and the church are united in a spiritual relationship of love and commitment.
Jesus’s Teachings on Marriage, Divorce, and Adultery
In matters of civil law, Jesus’ teaching often reorients or intensifies the emphasis found in the Old Testament. For instance, adultery in Old Testament law seems to have been understood mainly as a man violating another man’s marriage, rather than as a breach of mutual marital faithfulness. However, when questioned by the Pharisees, Jesus pointed back to God’s original design in creation: one man and one woman united in a permanent bond (Mark 10:2–9).
Jesus also taught that if a man divorces his wife and marries another woman, he "commits adultery against her" (Mark 10:11). This was a revolutionary teaching because it made men and women equal regarding adultery. An unfaithful husband was just as guilty of adultery as an unfaithful wife. The disciples thought this teaching was very severe (see Matthew 19:10). They were shocked because Jesus was making marriage standards much stricter than what they were used to. However, this illustrates what Jesus meant when he said their righteousness must be greater than that of the Jewish religious leaders (5:20).
There is a slight difference in Matthew's account of Jesus's teaching. Some scholars argue that Jesus was not quite as strict as the summary above suggests. According to Matthew 19:9, a wife's "sexual immorality" allows a husband to divorce her and marry again. However, when we look at the full context, it is more likely that Jesus allowed innocent spouses to separate from unfaithful wives but not to remarry.
This interpretation explains several things:
First, it explains why the disciples were so shocked by Jesus's teaching. Second, it explains why Jesus went on to speak about some people who choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:12). This stricter interpretation was also how the early church understood Jesus's teaching for the first five centuries. They allowed Christians to separate from unfaithful spouses but not to remarry (see 1 Corinthians 7:11).